I'm gullible

I have a love/hate relationship with commercials. I really like a well crafted commercial. I buy Hanes pantyhose, (or at least I used to in the olden days when I bought pantyhose) because of the "gentlemen prefer Hanes" commercials. On the other hand, a bad commercial makes me burn with a white-hot fury because somebody out there paid good money for a terrible idea. I despise the artsy commercials that leave you asking, what was the product? Anyway this particular rant is about a greeting card commercial, (points off because I don't know which company). A mom slips a greeting card under her daughter's bedroom door. The daughter immediately opens the door and expresses her appreciation in a light and not overly sentimental way. The tagline is something like "little things can be big" or some such. Ridiculous. I tried to picture how my boys would react if I suddenly gave them a greeting card. They are very polite so I don't think there would be a loud guffaw. They might ask their dad later if I have cancer or something. I guess my daughter would be okay with it. I have too many issues with the whole concept to ever pursue it. Spend 99 cents on a card, not as long as a candy bar is only 79 cents. Now that's a little thing that can be big. Talking to people I see daily through the medium of a greeting card, tres weird. Now I did buy my husband one of those cards that plays a song. It plays "Hot Child in the City". But that was strictly necessary.

The Complete Goober

Trying to find descriptive terms for offensive people can be a challenge. I am personally a big fan of douche, I like the sound of the word, the pronunciation. I find that it conveys the sentiment well without being totally crude. However it is much too crude a word for me to actually use. The PC crowd have eliminated helpful terms like retard, moron and spaz. I believe that "complete goober" draws an effective mental image without casting unnecessary aspersions on any but a fictional character and a legume. If either complains to me I plan to ignore the one and eat the other before checking myself into a healing institution for a 72 hour mini vacay. The definition of the complete goober would be an individual living his life without regard for the convenience of others or common sense. Now you may argue that I should not be thinking of ways to denigrate God's creatures but should be filling my heart with love. You may argue that, but I don't suppose I have to explain to you the risk you are running.

Who still cooks

The pizza places are all offering pasta dishes now. You can have mac & cheese delivered to your house,(granted it has bacon in it, but still, MAC & CHEESE.) If people aren't even cooking mac & cheese for themselves, why is the food network so popular? How can Paula Dean or Rachel Ray be so adored if nobody's cooking? These are the paradoxes of life that puzzle me. I would just like to go on record that I still cook and many of my friends and relatives still cook. I just take the night off if I'm sick, or think I might get sick, or feel tired or rushed or overwhelmed, but other than that, I cook.

If I'm fryin' I love you

I am willing to go to a fair amount of trouble for almost no reason at all. I will cook something complicated for people who won't notice or care. I will spend hours on party decorations or some such temporary thing. I notice people get sucked into spending time and energy on things which are not important to them. For me, sometimes its a creativity thing. Like if you are making something larger than life or smaller than life, count me in. I had a great time making a giant Cheerios box and a giant Crayola box. Sometimes I am showing off, see how good I am to help you with your project. But know this and remember it, if I fry, its true love.