postpone the nip and tuck

If you postpone your plastic surgery, or should I say your first plastic surgery, until you need several things done the net result will be a win. You'll be thinking, tummy tuck and lipo but looking in the mirror, you'll think, that's gonna make my butt and thighs look big. Or you'll want to get your neck tightened up a smidge but then your crow's feet will stand out a mile. Its like trying to paint the hall in your house, it makes all the other rooms look shabby. If you have multiple surgeries at once just consider the pain factor. Lie on your stomach, ouch! On your back, ouch! On your side strains the stitches, ouch! Also, surgery is dangerous, what if you die on the table? All your relatives will have to explain, no it wasn't a life or death heart surgery, it was elective. Then too what if you don't die but just lapse into a coma, a beautiful, slim, twenty-nine looking, coma.
I'm not saying we should all learn to age gracefully, but perhaps with a quiet resignation. Accept the sags and bags, dim the lights at home, wear more make-up, wear a veil in sunlight and tell everyone you have melanoma. There are a variety of coping mechanisms you can use, tell everyone you're twenty years older than you are, they'll be amazed, hopefully.

The Wisconsin Dairy Association

The Wisconsin Dairy Association ran an amazing ad campaign for a number of years. The campaign was the brainchild of Cathy Janes who designed an adorable little cartoon mouse which became instantly recognizable in a tri-state area. The WDA mouse could be purchased as a cuddly plush toy that squeaked. The image could be found on cups, posters, t-shirts, caps, bumper stickers, and billboards. The adventures of the little mouse could be followed on the WDA website in the form of a comic strip created by Ms. Janes and later written by Seth Baltz.
After four years of outstanding success with the campaign, the WDA ran a contest to name the mouse. This too was a popular project with whole classes of school children submitting their nominations for the honor of naming the mouse. Many radio stations held call in votes on peoples' ideas, ranging from "Fromage" to "Queso", and "Kream Abdul Jabbar" to "Curdles". There were many disappointed contestants when the WDA finally announced that the new name of their mascot was to be simply "Cheese". Still the name was easy and one-syllable and the mouse was still adorable so everyone embraced the new name and Cheese became even more popular. You could meet a live "Cheese" at mall openings and the state fair. Cheese became the most requested guest at school functions, beating out Smokey the Bear and Gruff the Crime Dog.
Eventually new leadership came to the board of the WDA and with it new ad representation. Although some old members of the board were loyal to the Cheese campaign, the new members wanted to revamp the image and looked for change to promote renewed interest in dairy. They used the ideas of a "young gun" at the ad agency, Connor Davis, to make "Cheese" into an older, cooler, mouse. They gave him sunglasses and a leather vest and put him on a motorcycle. The Cheese cartoon strip took on more adult themes which many considered to be in poor taste. They discontinued the Cheese plush toys and went with coffee mugs and mouse pads. The people of Wisconsin registered their opinions in editorials to the newspapers and in talk radio buzz. Many people were happy that Cheese had come of age, while others resented the arbitrary nature of the changes. Some Cheese fans felt that the changes were not family-friendly and that the new mascot lacked dignity. There were some in the anti-Cheese crowd that felt the the the colors used in the new campaign were possibly anti-american or even satanic. Overall, the WDA was extremely pleased with reactions from all sides because it meant that more people were thinking "cheese". From the statistical evidence it seemed that "Cheese" had always been a successful salesman for dairy in any form he assumed. In order to keep the controversy going, Mr. Davis proposed a summit meeting for the pro-new"Cheese" people and the anti-new"Cheese" people. The WDA ran another contest to choose a board of five people from each side to attend a weekend meeting at a luxury resort with the purpose of reaching a compromise on the "Cheese" situation. The contest proved to be another triumph for the WDA as thousands of people entered to win a place at the table. When the weekend event finally came the chosen participants spent time in separate meetings, hashing out their demands with like-minded people. The pro side had an easier time of negotiations since they were only arguing for the status quo. They finished their meetings and decided to go get massages. The anti group had a much more difficult time of reconciling the different moral, cultural and even legal objections which their constituents had raise. It was discovered during the discussions that many of the objections to the new Cheese were just the result of an unwillingness to embrace change. If was felt that the new Cheese might be acceptable if a little dignity could be preserved for the mouse. A leader emerged in the group, Jessica Mallow, who was able to convince everybody to agree to one request for change.
When the final summit took place on the Saturday afternoon, Ms. Mallow spoke for the anti-new "Cheese" contingentd, "All we are saying is give Cheese some pants"

Chocolate coins are seasonal

Somebody should have warned me that chocolate coins are seasonal. This is very inconvenient for a Bible school teacher. Do you know how many lessons can be helped along by the judicious use of chocolate coins. Incidentally the Christmas stories are not among the coin lessons, but Christmas is when the chocolate coins are available (and possibly left over 'til St. Patrick's day). I sense a conspiracy. Who are the Christian-haters who are scheduling candy sales for inappropriate times of year? The solution is obvious, stock the freezer at Christmas. You won't need much because even fresh, the coins don't taste good, and I'm pretty sure months in the freezer will not improve the situation.

Why does a stay-at-home Mom have to run so many errands?

I always mean to be a homemaker. I love making a pleasant home-base for my family. I remember how wonderful it was to have a home to come home to when I was growing up. As an adult, I still felt at home when I went to visit the parents. But it does take actual time at home in order to make it homey. As the family purchasing agent I must venture out to procure supplies. One errand turns into five easily. With gas prices I have to combine errands, and before you know it, the day is half gone. I've been going to the laundromat so that I can baby the septic system. There's another day gone. I have to go to the Y three mornings a week because I won't exercise on my own and I have to be responsible about the diabetes. This is turning out to be a whine.
Total subject change.
I have a friend, a bit of snob, maybe not the brightest bulb. He decided to get help for his drinking problem, he joined AAA. No meetings, and if you fall off the wagon, you can call them for a ride home.

best April Fool's joke in church

Our new preacher likes to shake us up a little so he had us stand up during his sermon and move to sit next to someone we wouldn't normally sit by. No spouses together either. Surprisingly uncomfortable, but we all participated to the best of our ability. No problem was detected until the children returned from children's church. I wasn't paying attention until the lady sitting next to me started giggling. I looked around and noticed all these puzzled three to six-year-olds. "I see grandma, but what happened to my mommy?" Oops. Only one child was traumatized but we passed the basket for her future therapy.

You just don't get to have that much fun in church very often although if you're a lifer like me, you can probably dredge up a story or two. I loved it back in 1970 when a long-haired hippie walked down the center aisle of our church during the sermon and just took his seat on the steps leading to the podium. I can remember our white shoes, white belt, Brylcreamed haired preacher, somewhat at a loss. They had a civil interchange and I don't recall any of the details, didn't matter, that was the coolest church service of my life to that point.

Church

A friend's son turned four years old and they decided to give him an allowance for doing a chore. His very first week he picked up all his toys and his mom carefully counted out five dimes to him. She enjoyed the beaming smile on his face. "What do you plan to do with your money?" she asked. He became thoughtful for a moment and replied, "I think I'll buy that snack at church." Puzzled since they don't sell snacks at her church, she realized he was referring to communion. After all they always pass the collection plate right after. Not bad logic for a four year old.

Grandmother

This first year of being a grandmother has been absorbing. I find that I am endlessly interested in this developing little person, in a way which is similar to my feelings for my first child. I have diverse demands on my time so that there are natural limits to my interaction with John. I have more knowledge about child development now than I did 26 years ago, but it makes not a scrap of difference. No child has ever been so clever or so beautiful as this little boy. His every movement and mood fascinates me. I love to watch him play, to watch the choices he makes, to note the expressions of interest and joy and anger and cunning on his face. When he shrugs his shoulder and looks at me, coyly, inviting me to join in his world, I am ready to drop everything and leap.