Everybody knows that January is salad month. Also diet supplement month, Weight Watcher coupon month, 24 Hour fitness free t-shirt with membership month, we ate ourselves into a stupor over the holidays and now its time to pay. This is normal life and when you properly observe salad month you can arrest the natural tendency toward weight gain each year. So what is the deal with the grocery stores? They have the nerve to put their Lean Cuisines on sale right next to the Ding Dongs which are also on sale. Its almost like a conspiracy. There was a meeting somewhere and the ad guys and the ceos got together and pointed out that if Ding Dong sales went down, so would diet pills and exercise equipment.
Now Ding Dongs go on sale in September when school starts because lazy parents put them in their kids lunches and...wait a minute, can this be coincidence. Sure the whole fat kid thing is part of the conspiracy, get 'em hooked early on the Ding Dongs and they'll be lifelong customers of the diet industry. If I had only bought stock in the Total Gym years ago I could now afford liposuction.
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
Fruitcake before Twinkies
The question continues each holiday season, why fruitcake? Is there a shortage of door stops? Did someone hang on to their fruitcake last year instead of regifting it like you're supposed to. Really fruitcake is the ultimate recycle when you think about it. I mean nobody eats those do they? I guess if you soak 'em in enough booze you might not care about the taste.
Now my mother, who is at home with the Lord, had fond memories of making fruitcake every Christmas with her mother. It was a special event with everyone involved, Daddy gathering the pecans, my mom and her sisters shelling them, their mom mixing the batter, etc. But think about it, what was going to be their big Christmas sweet? Maybe an orange, possibly a Hershey bar split three ways? The bottom line is, these people did not have Twinkies. In a pre-Twinkie world, fruitcake probably tasted sweet and special. How is fruitcake going to compete in the snack capital of the known universe?
Now my mother, who is at home with the Lord, had fond memories of making fruitcake every Christmas with her mother. It was a special event with everyone involved, Daddy gathering the pecans, my mom and her sisters shelling them, their mom mixing the batter, etc. But think about it, what was going to be their big Christmas sweet? Maybe an orange, possibly a Hershey bar split three ways? The bottom line is, these people did not have Twinkies. In a pre-Twinkie world, fruitcake probably tasted sweet and special. How is fruitcake going to compete in the snack capital of the known universe?
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