Fortune cookies

I like fortune cookies because they taste like cardboard so I'm not tempted to eat them. I like the way the break apart and they have that little secret inside. Secrets are fun. I got fortune cookies recently that were beautifully juxtaposed. The first one said, "A man's conscience is his compass". Sure, its not a "fortune" but a truism all the same. The next one said, "A feather in the hand is better than a bird in the air." And I had to ask myself, "is this true?"

Power too

For the Christian, the most desirable form of power is spiritual in nature. It is the power to resist evil and to do good. Since this power is only exercised over the self it differs greatly from the worldly concept of power. The teachings of Christ which are found in the New Testament lay out the problem of sin in our lives and how to overcome it. Sin, which is anything contrary to the will of God, has the effect of separating us from God. Without God, the Christian feels less than whole, less than complete. So how does the Christian overcome sin? Only through the agency of Christ Jesus. Jesus provides the way of salvation from sin through his death on the cross. The sacrifice of the innocent who is God, atones for a guilty mankind. Christians also have the Holy Spirit who enables communion with God. Jesus told his disciples that after he left it would be better for them because he would send the Comforter, the Holy Spirit. Jesus knew that the Holy Spirit living in each believer would be better for us than his physical presence which was necessarily limited to a few. So with the indwelling of the Holy Spirit, Christians have access to the kind of power they need and desire. They have the power to live the life of love that Jesus intended for all those who are called according to his purpose.

power

Power holds an attraction and fascination for most people. Some people strive to achieve control over the lives of others. Political power translates to control over people. In politics, the policies and laws which are passed directly relate to how the constituents of a government are able to conduct their daily lives. This type of power over other people is courted by some and purchased by others. The fact that if you have political power, you have the backing of some government's military, means that you can literally coerce behavior. Philosophically people have struggled to find a way to combat this sort of power. Some people have concluded that the most important part of their lives takes place internally in their minds, in their hearts, in their souls. In this way they have protection from the coercion of government. The government can only dictate that which it can see and document. Government bodies have historically been frustrated by this and have repeatedly tried to find ways to penetrate this wall of individuality. The nature of coercive power is that it can never be satisfied.

The thing about Cheetos

Cheetos are the alpha snack because they leave their mark on you. They mark their territory wherever they go. What other snack food does this? Nacho cheese flavored Doritos? Nope, doesn't happen, the Dorito flavor brushes off easily. Did you ever try brushing off the Cheetos dust, it spreads, it multiplies. You have to have water to get rid of the evidence. I think banks should use Cheetos in their money bags instead of dye packs. Its probably cheaper and you can catch the bad guys quicker, they'll be stopped at the first public restroom washing their hands.
Of course another way of looking at Cheetos is that it is the most honest snack. No sneaking those things. "Did you eat my Cheetos? Let me see your hands." MMhmm.

Shopping Carts

I use shopping carts regularly, almost daily. You know shopping carts, they are excellent little machines to propel your selections through the store, to the check-out and ultimately to your car. The critical operation of the cart is to roll smoothly and if I had to guess I would say that probably a good 76% of the carts do exactly that. But there is that 24% that have a tendency to grip, pull to the left or right, or make a hideous screeching sound. I randomly select from the 24% about 82% of the time. Its not fair, you look carefully at the lines of carts available when you arrive at the store. You avoid the obvious bent wheels, the appearance of excessive rust, or the trash left in the bottom. You select a newer looking cart and try to release it from its brothers. The cart will not let go. You know from sad experience that a pulled shoulder muscle awaits if you persist. You go to your second choice, some rust, but you're hopeful. It clings at first but you continue to tug and, voila! Cart separation is achieved. You cautiously push your cart toward the aisles, so far, so good, no obvious pull or grip. You head toward the produce section and as soon as your cart touches the decorative tile floor of the fruit section, the squeal commences. Noooo. You checked, you did your due diligence, its not fair. The only thing to do is to commit to the failure. You push your vile squeeky cart through the store. You ignore the people staring at you. You dare a store employee to make eye contact with you(they won't I've tried). You take your time and slowly go through your shopping list, even backtracking for the hot dog buns you forgot. You pick the longest line for check-out and you take your purchases out to your car. You go the extra mile and take the afflicted cart to the buggy corral. Mission accomplished. Does your persistence pay off, does your suffering make you stronger? It must, it has to.

I'm gullible

I have a love/hate relationship with commercials. I really like a well crafted commercial. I buy Hanes pantyhose, (or at least I used to in the olden days when I bought pantyhose) because of the "gentlemen prefer Hanes" commercials. On the other hand, a bad commercial makes me burn with a white-hot fury because somebody out there paid good money for a terrible idea. I despise the artsy commercials that leave you asking, what was the product? Anyway this particular rant is about a greeting card commercial, (points off because I don't know which company). A mom slips a greeting card under her daughter's bedroom door. The daughter immediately opens the door and expresses her appreciation in a light and not overly sentimental way. The tagline is something like "little things can be big" or some such. Ridiculous. I tried to picture how my boys would react if I suddenly gave them a greeting card. They are very polite so I don't think there would be a loud guffaw. They might ask their dad later if I have cancer or something. I guess my daughter would be okay with it. I have too many issues with the whole concept to ever pursue it. Spend 99 cents on a card, not as long as a candy bar is only 79 cents. Now that's a little thing that can be big. Talking to people I see daily through the medium of a greeting card, tres weird. Now I did buy my husband one of those cards that plays a song. It plays "Hot Child in the City". But that was strictly necessary.

The Complete Goober

Trying to find descriptive terms for offensive people can be a challenge. I am personally a big fan of douche, I like the sound of the word, the pronunciation. I find that it conveys the sentiment well without being totally crude. However it is much too crude a word for me to actually use. The PC crowd have eliminated helpful terms like retard, moron and spaz. I believe that "complete goober" draws an effective mental image without casting unnecessary aspersions on any but a fictional character and a legume. If either complains to me I plan to ignore the one and eat the other before checking myself into a healing institution for a 72 hour mini vacay. The definition of the complete goober would be an individual living his life without regard for the convenience of others or common sense. Now you may argue that I should not be thinking of ways to denigrate God's creatures but should be filling my heart with love. You may argue that, but I don't suppose I have to explain to you the risk you are running.

Who still cooks

The pizza places are all offering pasta dishes now. You can have mac & cheese delivered to your house,(granted it has bacon in it, but still, MAC & CHEESE.) If people aren't even cooking mac & cheese for themselves, why is the food network so popular? How can Paula Dean or Rachel Ray be so adored if nobody's cooking? These are the paradoxes of life that puzzle me. I would just like to go on record that I still cook and many of my friends and relatives still cook. I just take the night off if I'm sick, or think I might get sick, or feel tired or rushed or overwhelmed, but other than that, I cook.

If I'm fryin' I love you

I am willing to go to a fair amount of trouble for almost no reason at all. I will cook something complicated for people who won't notice or care. I will spend hours on party decorations or some such temporary thing. I notice people get sucked into spending time and energy on things which are not important to them. For me, sometimes its a creativity thing. Like if you are making something larger than life or smaller than life, count me in. I had a great time making a giant Cheerios box and a giant Crayola box. Sometimes I am showing off, see how good I am to help you with your project. But know this and remember it, if I fry, its true love.

Words John says at age two:
bubble make-meaning let's blow some bubbles
da-granddaddy
mom-grandmother, also recently gramma
Connee- Connor
Ahnna-anna
Deem-James
Jeff
Mach-Mark
Junee-June
Mawn-come on(usually accompanied by a tug on your hand)
Play-means go outside
Wa-wa-means he wants a sip of my drink, but if it is actually water he will say "Coke"

Salad Month

Everybody knows that January is salad month. Also diet supplement month, Weight Watcher coupon month, 24 Hour fitness free t-shirt with membership month, we ate ourselves into a stupor over the holidays and now its time to pay. This is normal life and when you properly observe salad month you can arrest the natural tendency toward weight gain each year. So what is the deal with the grocery stores? They have the nerve to put their Lean Cuisines on sale right next to the Ding Dongs which are also on sale. Its almost like a conspiracy. There was a meeting somewhere and the ad guys and the ceos got together and pointed out that if Ding Dong sales went down, so would diet pills and exercise equipment.
Now Ding Dongs go on sale in September when school starts because lazy parents put them in their kids lunches and...wait a minute, can this be coincidence. Sure the whole fat kid thing is part of the conspiracy, get 'em hooked early on the Ding Dongs and they'll be lifelong customers of the diet industry. If I had only bought stock in the Total Gym years ago I could now afford liposuction.

Fruitcake before Twinkies

The question continues each holiday season, why fruitcake? Is there a shortage of door stops? Did someone hang on to their fruitcake last year instead of regifting it like you're supposed to. Really fruitcake is the ultimate recycle when you think about it. I mean nobody eats those do they? I guess if you soak 'em in enough booze you might not care about the taste.
Now my mother, who is at home with the Lord, had fond memories of making fruitcake every Christmas with her mother. It was a special event with everyone involved, Daddy gathering the pecans, my mom and her sisters shelling them, their mom mixing the batter, etc. But think about it, what was going to be their big Christmas sweet? Maybe an orange, possibly a Hershey bar split three ways? The bottom line is, these people did not have Twinkies. In a pre-Twinkie world, fruitcake probably tasted sweet and special. How is fruitcake going to compete in the snack capital of the known universe?